absent
won't be blogging. until i find back myself. tata.
posted @ 10:06 AM
unpredictable
Everything is unpredictable. Even the good.
Now i understand why parents keep telling us to not get involved in this.
But still,
one day,
i wish,
i can be your mother's good daughter.
D.E.A.I.R.
posted @ 2:54 PM
prayer
*having duck rice at this time now. for dinner. angry with dad lah. they went for steamboat and forgot bout me starving at home.*
and in the midst of eating duck rice, im praying. weird ah. but ya. for u all.
esp for you, you and you.
pls be all right. pls let me know u guys are all right.
pls give me the answer tt you will carry on with your life and remain cheerful & optimistic.
and for tt lovely boy! i was switching channels and came upon channel 5 news. some senior SAF lieutenants...4 of them got jailed. 2 of them dunk tt poor soldier in lah. dunno wad happened to tt soldier. perhaps he's tt 19 yr old ns man tt had his funeral 1 wk ago. my heart stopped pounding when i saw it. then nv reply my smses too. thoughts went wild. *choi choi choi* thinking back, think i've flooded u. oopsie. hehe.
ok. i dun wanna talk alot liao. *munching & full of prayers*
posted @ 1:51 PM
recovery!
recovering from my 1+ mth depression. phew. it sure was tough. but life's getting better each and every day. :)
*dun give up, pals.*
I love everyone of you. all to bits.
posted @ 1:18 PM
wad am i supposed to do
so tell me. so tell me. so tell me. i need to speak.
and im afraid.
why are we walking separate routes.
im sorry i was weak in front of you.
i didn't want to.
i know i shouldn't waste time crying
instead i should instill confidence and happy memories with you.
but i-
have so many matters to share with you
but i-
didn't.
coz i realised tt u needed ur space
and ur cliques
all except me
i was too much
maybe still
but-
i need your hand.
i ask for more.
i know.
i ask myself.
why can't we have a parents-meeting session
i ask,
why can't we invite each other to go to attend concerts to know each other's life better?
why can't we.
now it seems like i ask too much
so i zipped my mouth
you're not GOD.
i know i over rely on you too much.
but how come it seems that your every action is avoiding me.
maybe i only know how to think too much.
and cry.
im afraid.
im scared.
---my biggest fear is to lose you.
but u see it as my over reliance upon you.
i didn't know wad to say the whole night.
i swear i wanted to make you happy tt nite.
but i failed.
im so sorry.
did u ever know?
i know you have your own problems
i know i was not being good
i wanted to be there
so much.
did u ever know how scared i was when u said u were tired
like u seem u didn't care
i know i can't hold u back
u have your own life.
im really confused.
there's ppl telling me how scared they are to visit their bf's parents
i would be really happy if i get a chance to
but we can't rush.
now you dun have to spell everything out to me
now you dun have to think im out to test or spite you
now i just need to stop questioning you
coz u mistook my form of loving
i realised u really need to have your own life.
im too much.
i really needed someone there to be with me.
but i guess u misunderstood wad i want.
i wan to earn it back.
it will take days, even months.
but i will.
so pls.
let this word trust come between us again.
and let it stay for good.
becoz
i really love you
and i need you.
i let go of ur hand becoz i wanted you to know that im not over relying on you.
but it hurts me.
now everything seem in a state of contradictions.
but for all i know,
i still love you.
and i dun expect anything in return.
tt's my goal.
i hope tt's urs too.
if your kiss for me meant loving me
i would lay my own death upon it.
if your kiss meant tt you still love me
thank god.
i know im insecure. i know im emotional.
i know i need assurance.
but i can't have any now.
i need to learn.
and i need cure.
im sorry for all that in the past.
i really learnt it.
but i dun ask for ur forgiveness.
i know i deserve the penalty of losing your confidence in me.
i dun dare to hope. i dun wan ani expectations.
ur kiss was my assurance. if it meant love.
but right now,
i do not know.
we lack communication.
i wonder,
are we having different priorities on this r/s
but it would seem that i think too much
so i won't ask.
and im still confused anyhow.
posted @ 6:06 AM
Phew. Sure is going to be tough.
FIRST UP...
THE BADS:
Im hot-headed. Very easily hot-tempered. BAD BAD BAD.
Im as stubborn as a mule.
I dislike tummy. u know? fats? tummy? ugh.
I particularly moan and groan and roar and scream at ppl who lie to me.
I got a weak heart.
I think i got high blood pressure. Did I mention I get stressed up over the slightest stuff?
OH OH OH. I procrastinate ppl who don't respect me. U really need to take a good look at yourself.
My eyes can pop out. BEWARE.
I think I love bitching.
I eat irregularly. Tat explains me not growing up.
Oh yes. One more. I wake up when the sun sets. COOL HOR.
NOW FOR THE GOODS! YIPPEE!
hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I love socialising. alot alot!
I want to become a model of my own world. YAYA. DREAM ON.
I love those who love me. Embrace, cherish and all nicey stuff! *HUGSSSS*
Ah. Yes. I love colouring my toe nails, buying chunky earrings & being pretty though i dun think im worth it.
I LOVE PARADOXES OF LIFE. I LURVE, LURRRVEEEE, LURRRRRRRVVVVEEEEEEEE THEM.
FOR GDNESS SAKE, DUN CLASSIFY ME AS 'CY LOVES TO BE A PRINCESS!' YUCKS. MY TERM: RAGDOLL. ugly and tattered. damn cool.
I can go on forever. I'll just stop here. Know more bout me thru my entries! *wriggles my nose*