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[[[ WELCOME TO FLY'S PARADISE!!! ]]]
RESPECT YOURSELF. RESPECT ME. ACCEPT MY LOGIC AND HEAR ME SPEAK.
HURT
1)It's a one-sided love.
2)I'm utterly disappointed.
3)You made me cry.
4)
Please...Go away.
posted @ 10:01 AM
Go away.
I finally am pinning down my feelings. I'm really depressed. I know this diary contains more setbacks then happy memories. What can I say? ...
Here, I'm listening to "To Zanarkand" from TY's blog. I was really touched by what TY said and I did some reflection.
I liked a guy twice. I didn't tell him that I liked him twice. 1st time when I liked him, I didn't really get to know him. Then, I heard from my seniors that he and a gal whom i know too went steady. My heart broke. It wasn't that bad though. I didn't had the courage to tell him that I liked him. So I kept mum all along. I tried to forget him. And I think I achieved what I wanted. I even vowed not to like some boy from that group that I know of.
After the melbourne trip, I realised that I liked him again. I can tell you seriously that I liked him due to his friendly and caring character. His looks was ok to me. And once again, I fell in love with him. At that time, he and his gf had already brokened up. I'm not cursing them of course coz both were my friends. I really didn't want to like him because I'm too afraid to like someone again. B4 this realisation, I liked someone from my sec sch. And, I got rejected. The kind of feeling...I'm already too afraid to go up and tell my feelings towards that guy.
Still, I can't control my feelings. I can't explain. You either know how it feels, or you don't. I didn't want to waste any other opportunity. So, I gathered my strength of courage and told him through sms. I was sooo afraid that I switched off my hp and went to bed. The next day at about 10+/11+am, I switched on my hp. I was in shock. He replied that he liked me and said that both of us should get to know each other really well b4 entering a relationship. I respected his decision and think tt his statement was true.
One month passed. I'm in JC. Yesterday night, my fren aka xiao mei told me that someone from my Orientation Group likes me. Everyone was encouraging me. I felt kind of bad that I did not told the guy that I liked abt this matter. Instead, I sms-ed him and asked whether the relationship b/w both of us is going to work or not. He said it depends on how the situation is. I asked again whether it was going to happen or neva. He said he's not sure. He dun wan to think about this stuff for the time being. It's true coz i knew that he suffered some setback recently. Then, i asked whether it will be happening or not, as in even the slightest chance. He said he dunno. I replied 'thanks, cya'. Then he asked whether i was angry. I replied 'no'. On top of that, he said 'sorrie...nite'. What's that suppose to mean? I replied that he doesn't have to tell mi that he's sorry becoz he did noth wrong and i ended off with saying tk ca and gdbye. I really don't know whether he's serious about mi. I told Cindy aka Xiao Mei (my classmate aka sis aka OG fren) about this, and she thinks that the guy is not serious.
I really dunno what's in his mind now. I am trying to forget him now. And I really don't wish anything more is going to happen b/w me and him ever again. I really hope that I can convert myself into thinking that he and me are only friends. It's really hurting now. Twice. What if you like a gal/guy twice? And never had the chance? To think that I was so happy at first. I'm wrong.
Everyone who knows me is asking me to get close to the guy in my JC who likes me. I don't even have the wanting to do that. I can't even forget about the guy i liked now. What more? Why am I always in this state...either it's one-sided love, or i dun like the guy who likes mi...Why am i talking bout love and relationship at the age of 17 this yr? Shouldn't I be studying? Shouldn't I be making more friends and have fun? Shouldn't I be with my family?
I'm hurt. I dunno wad's he feeling right now but my gut instinct tells me that he dun really wans to know me more. He's always busy wif his work, family and social circle. All along, I was the one who's initiating. The outings wif a group tt he's also in, the sms-ses, the calling, the msn chatting etc. And he? He called me only when he needs help contacting ppl.
Like I told you, yesterday when I clarified wif him, I decided not to message him for the time being. Just now, he was online. I tot he didn't wan to strike a conversation becoz i'm always the one who's doing the initiating. I was surprised yet thinking lots when he strike up a convo. Then, not long, he left without saying gdbye. He's always like tt. I assumed. I dunno what I should do. I'm a heavy thinker. I dun think he thought of me that many times as I thought of him. Twice. For two times. I've liked him. Can i like him no more? I don't want to. Never.
fLy† I shouldn't have liked u twice. I should have walked away."
posted @ 10:04 AM
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2004!!!
HEY PEEPS! Today is 1/1/2004!
HAPPY NEW YEAR to one and all! I had a really fun time with some of my hi-5 friends today...from my batch and the 4th batch. It was purely cool! Chatted wif some bss friends too...tudi, ric, yun ru, wei ling, xh...ya da ya da...yay! Today was so fun! Hmph...I can't pin down everything today...But one thing that I can say is I'm wishing all the wishes that I wished for...haha...crappy...yea...to come true! Hurray! And I learnt how to play pool today...rite...I'm juz a beginner...haha! & I have watched 2 movies...LOTR 3 and Love Actually...feel kinda outdated after the melbourne trip...haha...Tell you more when I'm having different emotions!
Cheerios & Happy New Year,
fLy
posted @ 5:58 PM
Phew. Sure is going to be tough.
FIRST UP...
THE BADS:
Im hot-headed. Very easily hot-tempered. BAD BAD BAD.
Im as stubborn as a mule.
I dislike tummy. u know? fats? tummy? ugh.
I particularly moan and groan and roar and scream at ppl who lie to me.
I got a weak heart.
I think i got high blood pressure. Did I mention I get stressed up over the slightest stuff?
OH OH OH. I procrastinate ppl who don't respect me. U really need to take a good look at yourself.
My eyes can pop out. BEWARE.
I think I love bitching.
I eat irregularly. Tat explains me not growing up.
Oh yes. One more. I wake up when the sun sets. COOL HOR.
NOW FOR THE GOODS! YIPPEE!
hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I love socialising. alot alot!
I want to become a model of my own world. YAYA. DREAM ON.
I love those who love me. Embrace, cherish and all nicey stuff! *HUGSSSS*
Ah. Yes. I love colouring my toe nails, buying chunky earrings & being pretty though i dun think im worth it.
I LOVE PARADOXES OF LIFE. I LURVE, LURRRVEEEE, LURRRRRRRVVVVEEEEEEEE THEM.
FOR GDNESS SAKE, DUN CLASSIFY ME AS 'CY LOVES TO BE A PRINCESS!' YUCKS. MY TERM: RAGDOLL. ugly and tattered. damn cool.
I can go on forever. I'll just stop here. Know more bout me thru my entries! *wriggles my nose*
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WISHLIST:
don't take things for granted
live life happily and in bliss
earn money and be filial