as simple as that
My relationship with yq ended ytd. To think i dun even know how to suggest this break up to him. To think he doesn't even bother with it. is it not? or he has his reasons? He didn't even bother to ask why. nvm. at least i think it's right to put this relationship off, a relationship tt doesn't even counts.
I got my retribution maybe from me scolding him. I got terribly sick. Cough, sore throat ( i can't even say hello), fever...headaches...tell mi, how to do hw liddat! wish someone can help mi buy food. coz i can't even step out of the house. no decent food at hm.
I feel tt my forehead's burning. my head's in a whirl. and my throat...is terribly hoarse...no sound...no voice...very painful...i need to eat strepsils. At least we got the banner done b4 my sickness arrive. sth to be proud of...hahaha...
but my sickness is nothing compared to the tsunamis strike. tt's horrible...haish...and my hw, i dunno how i'm going to finish it...sigh...plus i'm sick...how can i concentrate...sigh...
i need ur shoulders. coz i'm strong no more.
posted @ 6:03 AM
pray
Tsunamis, shoo! God, bring peace and calm waters to the people. such a dangerous yr. pray for 2005 to be a yr of prosperity. Economic boom...baby boom...grades boom...everything boom...pray for man-made disasters to be lessen down...
seriously, i dunno why i'm blogging. sigh...think i'll stop here. have fun peeps!
posted @ 7:43 AM
oooooooooo
went to toa payoh and bugis to shop for cloth for banner...went shopping with yx, sm and jj. twinzee shop for clothes like nv shop...end up go and see sth else...i was obsessed with earrings...so wherever i go...i'll look for tt...hohoho...
tessa nv come. i wanted her so much to come...haish...mayb she too tired or got other plans...nvm...someday...i'll meet her...haha...oh yea, wassup with 5 ticks with yx, sm and jj! wassup!!! tell mi...so mean of u guys...hahaha...and dun bother to guess my english's name...1st time i see sm so curious...hahahaha! aniwae, no trading. keep the 5 ticks to urself...if u guys wan..hahaha...
waiting for maple story to be downloaded again...sheesh...so long...
i was daydreaming...these past few days...till now...how how how...aish. why muz i say out...aish. ~to be continued~ (gotta close the windows...it's raining...sha la la la! coldie nite! enjoy!)
posted @ 11:49 AM
Emotions...arghhh...
I'm starting to feel bad. guilty. weird. I haven't said out. And i lied. I couldn't help it. No choice. I'm afraid I will hurt myself. and ya da. and ya da.
I wan to say out. I feel suffocated not saying out. But i just can't. I can't do it. too mani implications. too complicated. i need fresh air. No one knows bout this. I will not say it out. Until i explode.
I'm giving myself headaches. why muz i do this. will there be a gd solution? or will my hope be destroyed? I'm frowning...my eyebrows...
I can't do tt. I'm not suppose to do tt. I'm doing wad is wrong. but i can't stop it, can i? It's uncontrollable. someone, take mi out of this mess tt i've made.
posted @ 5:37 PM
MERRY XMAS!!!!!!!!!!!
MERRY CHRISTMASSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another yr of xmas!!! I love xmas. oh yes. I lurvveeeeeyyyy xmas. tt's the only way to chomp tons of chocolates and candies without ppl saying tt i'm a glutton...hehe...
Had a pretty nice xmas eve today...with my dear mei...hahahahaha...ended up being deeply injured...bruises on my hips and stomach...so mean...can't even badmouth u animore...have to watch my words u ass...hahaha...
Know wad?! Shopped ard...and catch a few music places...saw teeny figurines...or rather displays of flute, oboe, TROMBONE (haha), french horn, cor anglais and tuba...in gold...except oboe larh...and no CLARINET. how mean of them...or maybe it was sold out? hohoho...trying to console myself...
Watched Phantom today. It was ok larh. review: 2 and 1/2 out of 5? well...some parts were boring...but some ppl said it's a gd show...depends on ur own opinions i guess...watched until a few parts i fell asleep...onli for about 10 secs? hahaha...
Oh yarh, wad a farni dream i had last nite...5 babies tt i gave birth to...had sex with cuzzin...wth...but of coz the sex part was not in my dream...i got married to him...wth...and gave birth to 5 eggs. LOL! wad a scary dream too...then another was a treasure hunt with my close fren getting drenched...tt was a tiring dream...running ard...weird dream overall...very weird indeed...
Oh yeah, saw a conductor's figurine...maybe can get tt for chiang...on when? before syf...to boost his morale and have confidence in us...hohoho...maybe it'll get sold out...but i'm broke now...will need to start saving money...haha...
I love xmas. I love XMAS. I LOVE XMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted @ 5:56 PM
Xmas Wish
I have a wish for christmas.
Santa, can u grant mi the wish?
I want you.
I mean, not you, Santa.
I want You.
LoL...deck the halls with boughs of holly...fa la la la la...la la la la...
posted @ 5:00 AM
Bash me
I should not be thinking of this thing. I should appreciate wad i have. But, how come i can't turn back? I can't seem to appreciate. Guilty's here. Appreciation's gone. Somebody, bash me. I need to wake up. I need to love what I have and what I'm given with. Can I?
What am i doing. What on earth am i doing. I dun wan to be to blacklisted by Santa. I wan to be good.
posted @ 1:32 PM
lalala
I just woke up. anw, I'm tired. sheesh. waiting for 5pm so tt i can get my butt moving out of the house. watching phil winds performing, by TIM REYNISH. gosh. i miss tt bumpy old man. and yes, i can laugh at chiang if i heard ani mistake in his section...hohoho...kidding larh. i doubt i will have the chance to do tt.
Fiddling ard. doing noth. training my fingers to be more flexible...by typing. hehe. know wad? i used to think tt i will either venture into the career of art or music. It seems like when i go into jc, if i dun tk anything tt requires sth to do with drawing, and i dun have time to even draw...my art career is going on the downslide. I used to have teachers in sec sch to ask mi to venture into art career, my dad too.
He used to be an interior designer. He passed down the genes to me and my elder bro. well, he got his genes from my grandpa. My dad previously said having an art career doesn't have gd money, but at least u love wad u r doing. So my choice of going into sch of design in tp has been slashed. And i'm on my way to the path of music career now. gd money, cool job...love wad i'm doing...tick! on the right track huh? but i still have alot to learn...it's a long way...
know sth? i have an english name. hoho. but onli a few friends know tt. my family and relatives call mi by my english name. too bad tt i dun wan to say out. it sounds like a boy's name. but my mom said she picked it out from australia and tt used to be a girl's name. Whatsoever. I love my name still. haha...but i won't say it out.
I still miss tessa. alot. and i dun miss david ng. hahaha... tessa oh tessa, come back quickly...
posted @ 5:28 AM
Back to my life
Spotted a few nice blogskins. One with lollipops. One with nice music-simple plan's 'welcome to my life'. The other in a trumpeter's design. Think i gonna change...the previous blog has been used for months...and, is there 100% pure love? doubt so...maybe i'll change my attitude towards tt...if i meet my prince charming...hohoho...
Been super depressed these few days...found it uncontrollable too...imagined i scolded f*** off to my elder bro in front of my dad twice, and scolded over the phone to mei. phew. wad a fiery attitude. gotta keep control of myself...aniwae, i'm cooling down. great thing huh. way to go, cy!
Oh yea, I found it quite awkward ytd, after concert. or was it before? nvm. aniwae, jlo was talking to jun rong bout a gal from other jc i think. then he accidentally talked to mi. said 'oops'. so i was like 'ar?'. then he just asked mi sth or in other way, i was saying 'huh' to ask him to continue wad he wanna say. then he said a few sentences then he went to talk to jun rong. awkward. very awkward. wasn't fairly gd afterall. he may be reading my blog. who knows?
Performance was ok larh. I gonna miss Tim Reynish. I wasn't expecting such a crowd. lotsa ppl but no one shouting encore. performance was bad. mei said someone kept his/her stand, maybe larh, tt's the reason. After concert, was rather lonely. dunno why. one of my worse performances with no pictures taken, no chit-chatting, no nothing. acherlie...a few pictures larh. slight chattings. but i wasn't high.
did i fell asleep on bus 13? can't remember. felt super tired. was pulling my pants up all the way to my house. and who was the great one to mimick mi? haha...made mi so embarrassed. my pants was dropping...wad can i do other than to pull it up?! felt guilty to have mei to send mi back hm. look at his eyebags...hohoho...spotted him at the bus stop. spied on him. haha...just a glance onli la. make sure he doesn't fall asleep or get molested. I like the pink tie! hehe!
Haven't seen tess for half a day after performance. I'm missing her already. She's in the plane now, i guess. playing games or looking at clouds, or having served by air-stewardess. miss her soooo much. she better try bing tang strawberry. hoho. it's super delicious. I miss tt gal!!! tk gd care of yourself sis. I'll pray for your safety. have lotsa fun there! and be back real soon!!!
I dunno how I'm gonna finish my hw but I'm still slacking. nag at mi pluh-lis. make my com hang. make spoil the hp and my house's phone. crash the tv set. ruin my bed. gimme a nice big table, all my piled-up hw, my stationary and of coz, a nice comfortable chair. but u know wad? maybe I'll fall asleep.
Gotta perform 'Song of lir' tml at sch for Mr John Lim's memorial. Think there's gonna be very little players. Seriously, I grief for him and his wife as an outsider. coz he's not really close to mi as he doesn't teach mi or affect my life in nyjc. But overall, a yr passed. And i view him as a fantabulous, caring, friendly, sporty and patient teacher, mentor, peer, colleague or even as a counsellor. His departure made mi realise life is considered too tiny, compared to the destructiveness a simple disaster nature can make. I wonder, do most well-behaved humans passed away earlier than others? I wonder, if man is under controlled by man-made objects, nature and god. I think so. Man prays in search of hopes and miracles. Man can only pray to be better themselves when they are desperate. It's just a matter of time when we die, what we die of, how we depart earth, and how we are remembered by. It's always the happy little things we do in life to make us feel satisfied and leave this world without regrets. It's always the tiniest bits of memories we share with tt very person that make us realise how precious he/she is.
Mr John Lim serves as a reminder to do meaningful things in life, always, constantly, and not waste our own time, accomplishing nothing. He gives me the reflection to 'open up my heart', to accept the way each of us are, to give in, and to forgive one another. He has set a good example for me. The way i see how his soccer team cried for him, the online sch's memoriam, makes mi realise tt most man doesn't encourage each other to go on to different phases of their lives. Only when one departs, do we regret, then reflect upon ourselves. Man needs praises, compliments to carry on. Man's feelings are sensitive. I deeply feel anguished. I feel sorry for his sudden departure. And I sincerely pray for him and his wife to arrive in heaven safely, with blessings and cranes we made for him along the way to guide him through this new path. May he and his wife rest safely in peace.
posted @ 7:47 AM
flowy emotions
I had a mixture of all emotions these 2 days. I almost cried ytd. Felt crap. You know, sometimes you just have a super duper negative impression of boys. Ytd, i was totally disappointed with boys. Today? a little.
My bros quarrelled today and ytd. I can't stand tt. I hate it when boys got their higher authority to shout out loud and tremble the house's floor. Talked to yq bout our problems ytd. at least he's frank. managed to solve it...and told how we felt bout each other and stuff...he said he was a fool not taking initiative. At least I felt much better after talking bout this problem. He may be calling me tonight. I dunno. He said he will call mi from the island. It's his first day. Even if he forgets, i dun think I'll be pissed off.
The way how i see twinzee treats sm and vice versa can make ppl jealous. haha. Sorta an ideal couple. I dunno how to phrase it...it's like...ahhh...forget it...i can't seem to elaborate on it...it's a feel...i guess. ytd i was hurt, also by another bro. nvm. it's over. Time for me to heal...
Sometimes I wonder, whether i have any clashes with boys. Some say i got attitude problem. really? Maybe i'm just pissed off with them. And the way boys see us getting pissed off, the more they sarcast gals. is it fun to have unlimited sarcasm lying ard? Well, jlo said he LOVES sarcasm. let mi tell u, you jackass. I HATE IT. so fuck off if you wan to talk bout sarcasm. And, since you're with vincent and david now, kindly allow mi to remind you tt one of them is from MSHS, so if there's any clashes among you guys later on, dun find mi for help or even tell them tt i hate MSHS boys coz i am neutral now. So stop spreading your bullshit. Keep the fucking comments to yourself, fucker.
Right. I just need to vent my frustrations. I seldom get so pissed off. Aniwae, i love tt old man. Maestro Tim Reynish. He stripped. Can you believe it? Cool huh. And he's a witty and humorous old man. Not like some immature jackass. I'm in love with pieces like tails and song of lir. Changed a clarinet and the case. Nice case.
Wanna say sorry to tess for making her feel lousy bout all the maple comments. I was like you at first. I guess I have to be more aware of my comments next time. Just tt I can't tolerate anymore this week so things just blabbered out of my mouth.
Maybe i'm naive and childish to get pissed off over such stuff. But i can't do anything to help it. I'm just emotional. Maybe? And maybe boys are naturally stronger and controllable in their emotions. Maybe I'm right in saying tt I'm sensitive. tt's me. i guess. So for this moment, do tolerate with my complains. And tt fucker, kindly get out of my sight.
posted @ 12:48 PM
SARCASM
I HATE SARCASM. light & non-frequent sarcasm is okay. SO JUST STOP IT AND QUIT SAYING 'YOUR DARLING' COZ HE AIN'T MINE! YOU KNOW WAD YOU GUYS WENT THRU BEFORE SO STOP SHIFTING THIS IDIOTIC SARCASM TO MI! F OFF! Please kindly reflect upon yourself, and although YOU LOVEEEE sarcasm, it doesn't mean EVERYONEEEE LOVESSSSS it. SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH & STOP YOUR HELL-OFF RUBBISH. ALSO, PLUH-LIS keep your negative comments to yourself simply coz NOBODY wans to listen to your grumbles. THANK YOU.
posted @ 6:29 AM
Sha la la la~
Been stoning at hm today. Wanted to go swimming but argh...too lazie...I woke up too late today...at 3! miracle isn't it...wad a fly and a pig...
Been recently down coz of everything? Esp with the disappointed look on Mr Chiang's face...Tml is Tuning In. I'm having a slight sore throat today. And gosh, bless mi tt i better be well by tonight. Have to indulge myself in registration of the sec 4s and be a 'tour guide' tml. How wonderful. Everything with 'customers' relations'. Better bless my throat...Interesting huh. A tour guide without ani certificate in hospitality management. Tt was one of the mani choices i wanted to choose if I take the route to go to Poly.
Were basically idling with the com on. Went to blogskin...almost finished uploading a new one...then i suddenly think it doesn't look excellent to me...so i dumped it...Twinzee's stressed bout Tuning In and Orientation...tk it easy bro...Just try ur best and give it out all when the dates are here...
Wanted to do hw today too. But laze ard until I had no mood to think bout hw. How on earth am i going to get ani teeny weeny discipline like tt...manz...need to do some soul-searching...haven't really been studying like for the whole yr? haish...
My cousin's in VJC choir. coooool...got her to got for mi the signatures and pics of the sg idols...imagine i'm in her position...she got to talk to them for like 10min personally...each one...in onli like 1 or 2 days...I bet the pres has gone deaf after tt show...
Movies. I need to watch movies...nice movies...be out soon! Till then, cya! 2 wks more of non-stop 'music-ing'...Band and piano! HW, catch mi and torture mi...make mi start doing you asap...
posted @ 1:16 PM
Burst
Everything didn't turn out smoothly, did they?
2 drops of tears. I didn't want to be in that position. I tried my best not to cry. The volcano of depression erupted.
My ONLY hope? To play the sad melodies on the piano. The Piano. But, my sad soul was tormented, stepped and hurt furthermore when the sorrowful melodies was deemed as noise pollution. I play the piano whenever I'm in no good mood. I mean, when I'm totally lost. I play to search for new hopes. Halfway, finding it, my dad said indirectly it was noisy, in a foul mood. I slammed the piano. What hurts me more is what he said after tt. "What have u taught ur daughter?" to my mum, angrily.
It's just those bits and pieces of hurting remarks, the facetious lies on my face and the ability to still swallow saliva down my throat when it feels choked. Choked with problems. Piled-up problems. Too much emotional and sensitive juices in my nerves. It kills me.
Burst. My lungs burst. And no one knows. The piano crashed. Shattered wooden pieces of piano lying motionlessly in my heart. And you know wad? No one knows.
posted @ 3:23 PM
Phew. Sure is going to be tough.
FIRST UP...
THE BADS:
Im hot-headed. Very easily hot-tempered. BAD BAD BAD.
Im as stubborn as a mule.
I dislike tummy. u know? fats? tummy? ugh.
I particularly moan and groan and roar and scream at ppl who lie to me.
I got a weak heart.
I think i got high blood pressure. Did I mention I get stressed up over the slightest stuff?
OH OH OH. I procrastinate ppl who don't respect me. U really need to take a good look at yourself.
My eyes can pop out. BEWARE.
I think I love bitching.
I eat irregularly. Tat explains me not growing up.
Oh yes. One more. I wake up when the sun sets. COOL HOR.
NOW FOR THE GOODS! YIPPEE!
hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I love socialising. alot alot!
I want to become a model of my own world. YAYA. DREAM ON.
I love those who love me. Embrace, cherish and all nicey stuff! *HUGSSSS*
Ah. Yes. I love colouring my toe nails, buying chunky earrings & being pretty though i dun think im worth it.
I LOVE PARADOXES OF LIFE. I LURVE, LURRRVEEEE, LURRRRRRRVVVVEEEEEEEE THEM.
FOR GDNESS SAKE, DUN CLASSIFY ME AS 'CY LOVES TO BE A PRINCESS!' YUCKS. MY TERM: RAGDOLL. ugly and tattered. damn cool.
I can go on forever. I'll just stop here. Know more bout me thru my entries! *wriggles my nose*