Good
Things are going fine! powder paper saved my life. Phew. Minimise bunny teeth marks.
All the way! It is the numerous practices that we try to perfect our pieces. But on stage, it's only 15min requirement for you to focus and play out your best. Just 15min out of 10000000++ min of hard work that you've put in. We're putting our hearts into these pieces. God will hear our voices. He will listen to this ONE SOUND. For this 15min, may Lord bless NY Band.
posted @ 1:27 PM
SYF
SYF 05-my first and last!
Feel kinda worried, anxious, yet excited! I've been continuously trying to focus my very best. It's just that some do not seem to care at all, coz they gonna quit after syf. And some spit disheartened words. I dunno what to comment bout this competition. I want to feel so full of vibrant, I want to know what's it like to enter SYF feeling grand, feeling confident. And leave the concert hall with satisfaction.
[It's just at this point in time that I feel weird. As if I have no one to share this feeling with. It's hard not being able to go through this hardship alone without anyone lending me his/her listening ear. So much as it seems we're shunning each other, why do we even shun each other in the first place? Is it becoz of the minor blaming entry? Or is it becoz you didn't know so you follow suit? I didn't feel really welcomed. I want to be in this SYF with you all together. Is it so hard being a newcomer? one without experience who has her first and last SYF? Is it becoz of my attitude? Or wad? Can we share? Can we honestly really share how we feel? Am i left out? Am i too late?]
I really really want/wish/desire/dream to get the standard where we lie. I want to know how honoured i am. I want to be part of the team. I sincerely wish for us all to carry one soul. ONE SOUND.
posted @ 1:40 PM
biting session
Now, bite and stuff the gigantic lollipop into your mouth before you speak ill or hurt someone! SHHH. dun spout nonsense and count from 1-10. Now, ask yourself, do you love to be sadistic and hurt someone? No. Does it feel good when you hurt someone you love? Never. So, what good do you think it'll give you if you shout at someone you love? Nothing good.
fLy's undergoing multi-tasking processes. fLy balances family, her monkey, peers, cca and studies all at one go. Plus, she's in fLy's university undergoing a module of 'Learn how to control your temper.' Give it all, small fLy. Be a chilli padi.
posted @ 2:33 PM
Fetish
sheesh. I am beginning to have a fetish for male tutors. Cute tutors. Ugly but adorable.
1) Desmond Ng- irritating but his actions perk me up
2) Mr Nandwani- all-time favourite Econs tutor!
Quote by Mr Nandwani-
"I have a dream. Now, let me share my dream with you guys...[carries innocent look on his face].
Since young, I dream of building up a hot air balloon in Singapore. Seriously, how much entertainment do we have? No theme parks...you go to Australia, and boast to your frens "wa, i've went to gold coast ar. so cool...", you go to Genting and praise how wonderful is their theme park. What does Singapore have? Nothing ar. [shakes his finger]."
"...I want to build a hot air balloon ar. goes up and come down $10 gone. [thinks: surely can earn profits!]..."
Little Nandinghood and his hot air BAlloon then goes on...bout education system system in s'pore.
"Let me tell you. Nowadays, only the graduates will have a stable job. The rest dun have. In the past, my tutor was an O level graduate teaching me O level subjects. ha. Now, you go for tuition, everyone's a graduate. but you ask, "eh, not holding a master ar?" Parents used to praise "WAAA...DIPLOMATIC HOLDERS!" Now, ppl ask, "Why? Cannot go to JC ar?" [laughs cheekily]"
Bout casino debate:
"Why on earth are ppl debating bout the casino even if it only holds 5% of the recreational area, like theme parks, hotels and all! 15 yrs ago, ppl argued like mad over building the MRT and how incovenient will tt be...scolded how foolish the government is. Now ar, if we look back, if there wasn't any MRT, ppl will die. We'll be like thailand with road congestion if there's no MRT now."
"I'm really looking forward to the casino. Not bout the gambling part coz im a small gambler, but about what the casino can bring to us. 15 yrs later, you'll see ppl saying how good the casino is. The next problem u'll see will be people not controlling their expenditure and use credit cards to loan money ar...wait for this to come...It will be a BIGGG problem..."
posted @ 9:11 AM
hee
How do u feel if you at least think you're a fren of someone. and when tt person meets you and goes saying "eeee...", how do u feel? is that a greeting? or i have bits of food or correction fluid over my face? Thx huh. I feel damn hurt. Perhaps, im too sensitive. What's your problem.
Dun let this kind of teeny non-word ruin my day. Bring da hse down.
*fLy's working on something.* hee. It's a surprise!
posted @ 11:26 AM
Recovered
sry bout the previous entry. i was..um. having depression. haha. comes anitime. can b really scary. so dun bother figuring out my behaviour. i can't even understand myself at times.
had a F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C. day today! HAPPY!! haha. i need to go get:
1) Nivea facial foam [Men]. otherwise, ani brand recommendations?
2) Moisturiser [Men]
*remind mi to put on lip gloss* haha. my lips are always cracking.
to lululululu: dun try to disallow me to buy those items. haha! love ya!
posted @ 9:57 AM
TRUST
Can u tell me how much should i love someone?
Why have i gone numb?
Why do i care so much?
Why do i act like a depression kiddo?
Why?
Can u tell me how much should i love you?
Why do i own no voice?
Why am i willing to give in so much, and nv before?
Why am i so easily jealous?
Why?
Can u cure my behaviour?
Do you think i should not think tt much?
Do you think i should not love tt much?
Can u advise me and guide me through?
Why have i lost so much tears?
Why have i become less spontaneous?
Why do i love you so much? You know. But you can't help me. Can you?
Can you feel for me?
Can you?
posted @ 2:22 PM
wishlist
here's my wishlist for NOW, NOW and NOW:
-wish ny band's morale to be high up.
-LISTEN to the Band and conductor! Put away ur scores! Look at the conducting!
-wish tt our INTONATION will work towards perfection.
-TUNING! minimise out-of-tune notes!
-One Band. One voice.
It's NOT impossible. love the music. love the piece. handle ur emotions well. Syf's not a game. Never a game.
posted @ 8:24 AM
Band
Some ppl dun like our conductor. I didn't like him at first too. But when i see how much this very individual handles, it breaks my heart to see that we're just ignoring him.
When i got a 5 min break today from sectionals, i went to the loo. Passed realli many classrooms, saw every section inside each classroom as i walk down the corridor, with unfamiliar faces of the SSO tutors of all different 'shapes and sizes'. It kinda adds up to ard 6-10 tutors. I realise how much we need to pay for their tutoring, and it seems that we're taking syf as a game.
Imagine u have a tough job, have bands to teach, have bands to go for and practice, have a family to look after. Imagine u have to look after the nitty gritty details of who's attending band prac and not. and why. for some unimportant reason. He who treats band like a gold bar, and syf as a golden experience, how can he deserve this disrespect?
We all know that music revolves ard his life. and he told mi "he thinks he's turning crazy soon." he kinda 'reprimanded' me for the bad attendance. Can i force ppl to come for band prac? can we turn up for the love of music? can we set time to build a community? i cannot sneer at him. he's done so much as a conductor.
CONDUCTOR. will u like to be one? Rather, do u think u can handle this job well? do u know the responsibilities of a conductor? can u feel how hurt u are when u see ur own students ignoring & not listening to ur teachings? can u imagine how u feel if u see 40 students shining right in front of u? can u feel his pride? can u feel his happiness as he conducts us? THE CONDUCTOR with the mighty baton in his hand. No matter how weird a conductor acts, talks, lives, he certainly deserves my utmost respect. No matter how good or bad our syf results reflect us, it's not his fault. He has done much. U might not sense it, but i do. We determine, not u, not mine, but OUR result. He's our guiding light, our mentor. Or should i say, he's just a human being afterall.
posted @ 1:59 PM
Believe
Love does wonders.
Love hurts.
Love is really oh-so silly.
Love is scary.
Love is splendid.
Love is magic.
Love is chemistry.
Love is to trust.
Love is to be faithful.
Love is to believe.
Love is to cry.
Love is to be joyous.
Love is the mother of all emotions.
Love is to sacrifice.
Love is to Love.
There is never ideal love.
Ideal love's just but a goal.
True love overcomes blardee obstacles.
I believe in true love.
seems like im living in utopia.
but priority's there. i can't change it.
and sorry to say, im not living in utopia.
i have those blardee obstacles to face.
"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love."---Mother Teresa
posted @ 11:01 AM
nothing
as i was in the midst of reading blogs, it seems especially cliche for jc students to rant about life. in particular, studies. we got so blown off by studying tt we seem technically like robots.
as i chat with my terrified & 'numbified' jc frens, it seems that we all seem lost. and tired. exhausted. wanting for a long sleep. it is then when emotions start streaming in. it is this period where we expose our emotions. where we cry in the public. exposing our true, helpless self.
frens cry for help. u hear them screaming, not by voices, but screaming for help deep down inside their hearts. we need to live by words of encouragement, don't we? this world is never on ur own. we'll die if we're truly independent.
man complicate matters so much to handle indivually. tt we die crying for help. tt our eyes seem so dry, so lifeless. im really touched tt frens like anli and yeong chee care to listen to me, and actually try cheering mi up by sending mi websites to laugh at, songs to listen to, and phrases of meaning of life.
it seems that ppl naturally do not live for ppl who pulls a long face. frens would prefer their frens to smile and not sulk & find problems. so much as i try not to have pms, im trying to control. my mind is over-exploded. it's become so heavy tt i can't think. n my eyes having the same width as my eyebags.
THAT'S MY LIFE.
posted @ 1:32 PM
paradox of life
i listen more, speak less, yet i'm a follower.
i listen less, speak more, yet but a yakky person who doesn't give a damn abt how ppl feel.
sometimes i wish things can be done in my way. they're but foolish dreams.
sometimes i let ppl do it their way. yet i ended up being hurt.
i think too much. wild thoughts start bothering me.
if i think too less, will i then just take it for granted?
wad's a sheltered home? T,L,C.
if loved ones care too much, do they resort to treat me like a prisoner undergoing interrogation?
yet if they care too less, i feel neglected & abandoned.
i know that some place me as one of their priorities in their life. and others dun bother.
why then should i stupidly allow the others to hurt my feelings?
sometimes we're at the crossroads, not knowing where to go.
we lost our directions. we need the ones who care bout us to encourage us, not interrogate us.
we need wings to direct us.
here am i pinning down my thoughts. peers will obviously think tt i think too much.
but, ask yourselves, aren't you one of them? don't u feel it this way when you're lost?
but then again, why should i care wad not to write and wad other ppl like to read in my blog?
so, write or not to write? sometimes when we're in the peak of lost emotions, we tend to be selfish, wanting to seek attention tt we need help. so am i. so indirectly, im saying i need help. i need wings.
posted @ 2:06 AM
doodle diddly doo
is my face as round as tt gal over there?
<--------------- tt cheeky & chubby gal over there. but for teens, isn't tt fats?! haha. im conscious. have been hearing ppl say tt im phatttt...is this true. or mere joke. i seriously need to get some exercise done.
does it then urge mi to find a new blogskin. hmmm...i dunno. just saw one 'timeless beauty'. pretty woman with purity & confidence. white skin. anw, it's not one of my priorities. more of leisure & my search for entertainment.
i bought ONE ny pleated skirt...finally. might b a waste of money but who cares. ONE PLEATED SKIRT. god's sake. i had so much wanted it since last yr. ha. though the material's a bit off...ny's uniform material...uhhh...not so commendable. hee.
visiting a patient tml! weeeee...the pink monkey in action. bought the plush/cushion for my 'mom-in-law' to wish her well recovery. bought b.u.m's pink collar top too...nicey! i spend money like drinking water. it was a weekday when i went on a shopping spree. thurs to be exact. how can tt beeee...students should b studying on thursday! im steoreotyping anw.
got lotsa stuff to do over the weekend. the theory stuff. u know wad i mean. hw. research for pre u. band. uh. band's practical. haha.
persuasion. i have to finish the book! have to...damn mrs teo, she's killing me with those volumes and chapters of
persuasion. i'll still be watching movie over the weekend...i got lost in touch with movies for 2 wkssss...hahaha. but the price hike...ahhhh...haish. the govt must have their reasons for doing so.
doodleeeeeeee doodlyyyyyyyyy doo! all right. gtg slp. have been on a slping camp for the past 2 days due to aches from PE. piggish. tml's band day! & chionging out day! weeeeeee!!!! it's a saturdaeeeeee...!!! Happy April Fool's day btw. ha. this day does not realli have ani meaning to mi. haha. i dun mind anw...ciao!
posted @ 2:42 PM
Phew. Sure is going to be tough.
FIRST UP...
THE BADS:
Im hot-headed. Very easily hot-tempered. BAD BAD BAD.
Im as stubborn as a mule.
I dislike tummy. u know? fats? tummy? ugh.
I particularly moan and groan and roar and scream at ppl who lie to me.
I got a weak heart.
I think i got high blood pressure. Did I mention I get stressed up over the slightest stuff?
OH OH OH. I procrastinate ppl who don't respect me. U really need to take a good look at yourself.
My eyes can pop out. BEWARE.
I think I love bitching.
I eat irregularly. Tat explains me not growing up.
Oh yes. One more. I wake up when the sun sets. COOL HOR.
NOW FOR THE GOODS! YIPPEE!
hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I love socialising. alot alot!
I want to become a model of my own world. YAYA. DREAM ON.
I love those who love me. Embrace, cherish and all nicey stuff! *HUGSSSS*
Ah. Yes. I love colouring my toe nails, buying chunky earrings & being pretty though i dun think im worth it.
I LOVE PARADOXES OF LIFE. I LURVE, LURRRVEEEE, LURRRRRRRVVVVEEEEEEEE THEM.
FOR GDNESS SAKE, DUN CLASSIFY ME AS 'CY LOVES TO BE A PRINCESS!' YUCKS. MY TERM: RAGDOLL. ugly and tattered. damn cool.
I can go on forever. I'll just stop here. Know more bout me thru my entries! *wriggles my nose*